Pooch Lakeridge: About this Pick Up Artist show on VH1... or not the show exactly, but the dude, Mystery. What the motherfucking fuck is that dude?
First, he wears a fuzzy black hat. You know the kind. Like the one that girl from 4 Non Blondes wore in the video for "What's Up." The kind of hat who's very existence makes me question why we aren't all required to wear uniforms.
Second, dude uses the moniker Mystery. Really? Fuck you, douche face. Although I guess your name is fitting because it is a motherfucking mystery to me how any woman (much less several women) have ever let you put your no doubt pierced, feathered and otherwise bedazzled jizz rocket in their hatchet wound. Yikes riding bikes.
Third, dude "travels around" with his two wingmen Matador and J Dog. MATADOR???? Uh uh. No. I'm very sorry sir but absolutely not. I will never call you Matador, I don't give a shit what you do to me. Fuck off.
Fourth, they showed them "picking up" women at a club in LA. There are no words to describe the horror. If these women weren't plants, then Lord help us all because if these women are choosing mates and then procreating, we are motherfucking DOOMED. These dudes are supreme DOUCHES. They do things like wear goggles and ask women to buy them drinks. Also, Mystery is a former magician. Gag.
Yes, I did watch this show. There is some deep vein of self hatred in me that insists I subject myself to such atrocities. I may even watch it again, but this show had me cringing and leaving the room multiple times, so I may not watch it again.
For more information on that hotty Mystery, check out this sickening interview http://www.salon.com/mwt/feature/2007/08/06/mystery_qa/
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